The Coming Year

I didn't make any resolutions this year, because, inevitably, I don't keep them, then beat myself up about it. A couple of weeks ago I sort of determined large categories I wanted to examine or work on in 2009: meditation, writing, yoga, and my stuff (mostly physical, but also emotional). They are areas I want to strengthen or revisit because working with each of them has the potential for positive changes in my life. I'm not going to get into details at the moment, and it's not to say that these are the only things I'll do.

I'll certainly keep knitting (I just picked up the Jaywalker I started on the way home from the west coast in April, and have the February Lady sweater and a multidirectinal diagonal scarf on the needles and yarn for Coronet -- sorry, no links tonight) and I need to figure out my work life all over again (I've been playing catch-as-catch-can for three-and-a-half years and I need to figure out if I want to continue that or decide on something concrete. Work at the LYS was great, and I'll still do a few fill-in days here and there, but I knew from the start that it'd probably be short-term.), but mostly I need to figure out who I am and what I want my life to look like.

Let's forget for the moment that I will be thirty-nine years old this summer and that it's probably a little late to be examining this question. I spent parts of today in two different cafes on my own, which was my intention all along. In both of them, I saw and briefly chatted with people I knew, but I also saw people meeting for breakfast or lunch or coffee. This is not something I often do, and on my way home I realized that I wished it was. This is not some "poor me" complaint, because my lack of connection to others is purely of my own doing.

I can be social, but I'm not one for large groups (which is partly why I've sat out two parties in the last three days). I like getting together one-on-one or with a few people at a time, but I have trouble getting up the nerve to contact friends or acquaintances to get together for lunch or coffee or whatever. As a result of the above factors (I hope) I've fallen off of most social calendars, so I rarely get contacted by anyone else either. So here's the question: How do I change this without looking needy or desperate or completely awkward?

By the way, the jury's still out about whether I'm keeping this, but since I'm thinking about it, I may as well use it.

I hope the new year is treating you well so far. Peace.