Beginning to Relax

Though, by saying that, I probably just blew it. Regardless, yes my stress level seems to be evening out, and though I still feel like I'm either not sleeping enough or sleeping way too much (sometimes in the same night!), equilibrium seems to be returning and I am so glad.

Since my last post about my work situation, I confirmed that I will, in fact, be working four days a week at the original, Gallery Row,Lancaster Yarn Shop. I had to specify the location, because tomorrow our (well, Wendy's, really) second location at Kitchen Kettle Village in Intercourse will be opening! Although I will not be working at that store, I do plan to stop by tomorrow to wish Wendy well and check out the new digs. I have high hopes for the future of both shops, which will likely fill slightly different needs based on location and clientele. If you are local or are going to be, please stop by and say "Hi." Or any other greeting you'd like to exchange, as long as it's pleasant.

I've worked in, and not especially enjoyed, retail before, but this is different. It's working with products I use and am excited about, and I get to help people one-on-one (beyond just ringing up sales or finding the right size of x or y) and meet lots of interesting knitters who live in my community! What's not to love? So, there's that.

I also find that I am writing more, daily, even. Most of it is definitely first-draft work that may well stay that way, but the point is that it is returning and I managed to clear off a spot on my desk so that I can sit and get something done like an adult. Also, I was in touch with the editor I've been writing for the other day, and it looks like some assignments may be forthcoming. Also, I have a proofreading project to do tomorrow.

It may not seem like a lot, and there are definitely things I still need to figure out: still way too much clutter, still worried about a sick friend, still trying to find balance, not to mention making a decision to use "still" a whole lot less.

As for knitting, FLS has a completed body and part of a right sleeve. I'm counting on it growing in the blocking, and if washing Coronet was any indication, it will.

Here's a question, anyone use Twitter, and if so, should I? I succumbed to Facebook, but don't know if I need yet another social networking thingy grabbing my time and attention. Thanks for your input.

Enough with the rambling, have a good week!

Reflection

I've had a lot on my mind lately, some of it has to do with large, overarching issues, some is smaller, more personal stuff. I go around and around it all, never getting anywhere useful, sort of like a dog chasing its tail.

I know it's really late for post-election analysis, but that's one of the things banging around in the corners of my brain. I voted for Obama, and I'm glad I did, but I did it with my eyes open, and I'm pretty sure that things are not going to change drastically because he was voted in. I'd like to believe that things during the next four years can't be as bad as they have been for the past eight, but I don't know that one man in a broken two-party system can effect that much positive change. I can only hope that putting him in rather than McCain/Palin may forestall further erosion of social policy and may finally bring us closer to the end of this sham of a war our government has insisted on waging in the name of oil (though, of course, they would rather call it national security).

I worry about us as a people, and me as an individual. On balance, I don't own tons of things, but I look around my room and see clutter that puts me in a state of paralysis when it comes to actually doing anything about it. I don't want tons of stuff, I don't use most of it, I certainly don't need most of it, but I can't bring myself to get rid of it. There are things given to me by other people, things that may prove useful down the road, things that make me sentimental for obscure or not-so-obscure reasons. There is, of course, my stash of knitting-related tools, materials, and information, which, although not large, is probably more than I can reasonably go through any time soon. I could probably get someone more organized and dispassionate than myself to go through things with me, but I'm not sure I want to give up control of those decisions. I acknowledge that this is a personal failing which extends to areas beyond my untidy accumulation of personal belongings.

So, the question is, what do I do about all of it, the big and the small, far-reaching and individual? How do I let go of emotional and physical excess in a way that is healthy and satisfying, and by doing so, will I sleep better at night and wake up rested and energized for a change?

Insomnia

I didn't sleep last night. I read all night because I couldn't fall asleep. Finally, sometime after 5:15 am I fell asleep, poorly, for about four hours. This is becoming a weekly thing with me. I've always had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep, but this is different. Now I stay awake until nearly morning one night every week and am basically useless the next day. I don't know what I would do if I had to actually go to work after nights like these.

It's an anxiety thing, I'm sure of it. I couldn't get my brain to shut off; I suddenly thought of a way to knit myself mittens (I need to make super-custom ones), I thought of all the things I could possibly (if I had months) knit people as Christmas gifts...all sorts of things rushed, unbidden, through my mind, and the only thing I could do to stop them was to read. I thought about writing them out, but I was afraid that if I wrote them, I'd end up being more awake.

I've gotten a few things done today (one row left on the first Knuck), but nothing compared to what I'd wanted to get accomplished.

Wishing you all restorative sleep.